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Thanks jessicajones I just wish this whole nightmare could just be resolved. Everything is a “my word against his” and its so stressful. I dont want it to be like this I would rather just grit my teeth, get through the mediation and then move on. But I feel like he is always going to be this constant threat in the background that will never go away. Threatning to tell social services Im suicidal and making lies about me being physically violent towards him aren’t just going to hurt me but they will hurt our kids as well and that makes me feel physically sick. I feel making lies that could follow me for the rest of my life and are damaging to our children benefits no one in anyway yet he keeps doing it and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. He has more money than me so he can afford a decent solicitor, he is well respected, he isnt worried about losing the kids at all so I feel utterly powerless and Im genuinely terrified of what he might say or do next to try and discredit me.