Reply To: Torn!

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Thank you. I have been out of the relationship for 5 years but he has continued to control me. I know this has affected my children, although at the time I was in the relationship, I didn’t realise the control was taking place (or I maybe didn’t want to believe it). My daughter seems to have some underlying sensory issues which trigger her anxiety and as such, she is actually quite controlling. I don’t have an any visitors to the house, I can’t speak on the phone at night and I constantly have to tell my boys to be quiet. I feel sorry for her because it has only just come to light that she is struggling and all of the professionals say she might have ASD or anxiety but the doctor ignored her and just kept asking if it was because I dont spend enough time with her. She has even said to me that he ignored her when she was saying she doesn’t like loud noises and he twisted it and told me all that I do is shout. He told me it was my fault for not listening to her and leaving my ex but I already live with that guilt and I’m trying to get as much help as I can to be a better parent but I feel that asking young boys to be quiet all the time is unreasonable and is affecting them.

I dont want to appear selfish but I have worked hard to get as far as I have with my studies so I cant give that up. I have spoken to school but my daughter denies theres an issue there because she doesn’t want them to label her or treat her differently. The doctors referral to CAMHS focused on my downfalls and not the underlying issues she was trying to tell him about.

She has agreed to see another doctor but I suppose last night I was just looking to vent. The burden of bringing that man into their life is already weighing very heavy and I have very little adult interaction as I am focussed on my children but at the same time I’m trying to overcome being controlled by my ex and now it feels like my daughter is controlling me (although I understand her reasons for doing so are different).


Thank you for the advice everyone.