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Ok, so the first thing to understand is access and the finances are separate.

For access , the courts will start at 50:50 especially is you were primary carer. It is not up to her. More relevant is providing a routine that allows your children to have a workable routine around school and seeing mum & dad.

on finances, you need to see a solicitor. Don’t agree to anything until you take sensible legal advice. Once you have agreed a financial split, it is  her business how she spends her share. It is her money, not the kids’ Inheritance.

Try to take it calmly and after seeing a solicitor, be clear in your mind what you are trying to achieve.

Sorry, it’s difficult isn’t it.