Reply To: No support from immediate family

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Hi SarahLeah – yes, I can relate to you! I am going through the spectrum of emotions attached to the lack of consideration or concern from my family at one of the hardest times of my life. I’ve been particularly upset at my mums lack of care – having been through splits and been a single parent herself for a time.

however it’s not uncommon behaviour for my family – I think they’d all be clinically classed as narcissists! And to be honest they each have their own issues.

So I identify the people and support I can access – friends, groups like this, practical advice groups like money advice service…not having family help makes me even more grateful for the support I get from these sources.

And I am digging deep within myself…ultimately we get through bad times best when we have a well of inner strength to draw on. people build this in different ways – counselling, meditation, exercise, journaling… – but I’m realising that ultimately I need to be able to rely on myself to deal with the tough times. Of course we need other people – and perhaps it’s a cynical view -but I believe we can’t reply too much on external things/people – we are the only thing we can control.

I’m also trying not to compare my situation with those people who have grandparents on tap to pick up/take kids for sleepovers and days out…yes I’d love that, I envy them for it, but I try to be happy for them because I don’t want to end up as negative and resentful. But equally, where I have friends with all this support who moan about how hard it is having kids, or things that annoy them about their super helpful parents, i minimise time with them because it does slightly irk!!!  I’m sure they have their own family issues, and they’re not in my shoes so they don’t appreciate how lucky they are, or realise how insensitive they sound – but I’m not their problem so I just take a break from them for a while until I’m in a better place.

I hope you get the support you need from somewhere SarahLeah.