Reply To: Cheated on and left whilst pregnant

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Kathymumofone
Participant

Hi, congratulations.

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. Your ex is mind-bogglingly selfish. Assuming you are in the UK….

1. Birth is not a spectator sport. It can be exhausting, messy, difficult, drawn-out, emotional. The last thing you need is someone you can’t trust. Tell the midwives you don’t want him there. Don’t tell him until after the birth.

2. Up to you. I used my ex’s surname and have spent the last decade explaining to teachers, doctors and airport officials. It’s a pain. If I had realised, I would have used mine.

3. No. He can go to court and have himself added, which takes time, giving you at least a couple of weeks sole parental rights as a new mum.

4. The baby has rights to contact with his/her dad, and hopefully will have a strong & loving relationship. But court ordered access will likely be an hour or two each day or every other day, with you present, especially if you breastfeed. The dad has to build a bond first. Access gradually increases up to overnight stays at maybe 2.

So don’t be too concerned. Your ex doesn’t  get to dictate terms. The best interests of the baby come first. I hope it all goes well x