Reply To: I am soon to be a single dad. completely lost and any advice welcome.

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Needsmust
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Hi,

Sorry to read of your predicament and situation which is/was so similar to mine….a long time ago now – I hope things continue to be amicable for you both and don’t start veering down the route my ex took.

In short I was working – running business from home plus working part- time. Ex worked full-time (4days a week) and decided after instigating her affair that I was out and he was in – I believed her nonsense for so long that like yourself I was blindsided & completely caught in her trap….after being arrested in my own house for abuse ( I didn’t touch her) but kicked a door of its hinges…. a culmination of two months of having to see my kids less because she demanded half the time (she sent them to a childminder mostly ) and having it rubbed in my face every day dealing with the stress of slowly but surely losing everything I held dear. I was arrested three more times for suspected abuse…none of it ever proven and thrown out by the CPS, of the 3 kids (two mine and one SD) the step daughter was removed from my life and has never been back in it 8 years on. What followed over the next 18 months I wouldn’t wish on anyone and i was ordered by the court to leave the property, even though I had applied for residency I needed all three kids to live with me & the ex made sure my SD wanted nowt to do with me, poisoning her against me and my entire family completely – I stopped communication after i was threatened with child harassment by her mum! So i did get better contact then she was offering so it wasn’t a total loss but boy what lengths some people will do to win is just unbelievable and sad – it effected me badly for so many years and still does to some extent because we never sorted the house so eight years in she is sitting pretty living in FMH and there is pretty much feck all I can do about it. Damn if I do try and force a sale as I will make my boys homeless (she would ensure they knew daddy was making them homeless) and I don’t wanna be that dad, no chance of having them live with me in my private rented place because she won’t give up any extra nights keeping her resident parent and is quick to imply that I am inept and incapable of looking after my kids even though I’ve provided everything they need at my house and have done so at great financial and emotional costs. Heck I washed 9 school shirts and half a dozen trousers last weekend and I am not the resident parent!!?! She is sly, utterly controlling and border line narcissistic personality disorder candidate….and do I want to stir the hornets nest again? No thanks. The house does bug me so my advice to you is sort it soon, otherwise it will crippple you financially and you will be forever poor. I am stuck in a situation I can’t get out of and dare I say has become so normal and not sure how I ended up here?!  I barely keep on top of things financially but have no resources to do anything about it…it costs a shed load to go down the TOLATA route, she has all the child benefits etc etc..in her name – she changed it all to her name the same day she floored me with the I don’t love you anymore so watch for that? The fact that you are at home dad can be tainted by her so easily…no smoke without fire crap, she could make your life a living hell and there would be very little you could do about it. I hope you sort things amicably and can split 50/50 unfortunately if your partner does not agree you are in a very precarious position… I wish you all the luck in the world. Sorry for the long (almost a rant) post….lol it still works me up how some people can be so very cruel and unfair towards their own children and the person with whom they were getting old with just to win….there are no winners except the lawyers and the barristers!