Reply To: 15 weeks pregnant at 43

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SOLOMUMMY
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Hi

i was also a late starter when it can to becoming a Mummy.

I have been alone from the get go and all I can say is that being a mother has been the best thing ever and I thank my lucky stars everyday for this privilege.

Yes it is hard. And yes I have no doubt that sleep deprivation it’s us harder than younger women. BUT the benefits of being older and wiser are in numerous and your baby will benefit from this. Your life journey will give them such a wonderful life experience. You will have so much love and devotion, patience etc as you won’t be bothering with what you may be missing out on you’ll be cherishing your blessings!

With regards the “relationship”. It sounds as though he was stringing you along. Thinking that at 43 you wouldn’t conceive and he could effectively have free unprotected sexual “on tap” promising the world delivering nothing! Playing on your fears re your age and wanting a loving setup.

Sadly people do this. There is no mileage in questioning why beyond the fact that he’s not worth anymore effort.

He’s made his views clear. At this time, he doesn’t want to be a father.

Others will  disagree, but I advise having no more contact with him. He has your details and can work out when nine months is up!

Emotionally for you having him waltz in and out with bottomless promises or worse more accusations and character defamation is not conducive to your pregnancy and your future.

The comments you’re receiving, Im afraidthat you will have to grow a tougher skin as from hereon,  everyone will have an opinion! An opinion on how big you are, how small, how the birth will be, whether you opt for this or that, if you find out the gender, breastfeed or bottle, how you discipline, if you return to work etc etc. It’s relentless. Just let it wash over you!

i would focus on practical issue!

Reduce your outgoings as much as possible. Look at the maternity policy re pay etc. Work out finances. Plan how you will manage during maternity leave. Look into childcare costs if intending to return.

Get the details of the child maintenance service and make sure that you go straight to them when baby is born. Likewise fill out the child benefit information form in advance to submit ASAP after birth.

This will also be controversial, but given everything you’ve said about his attitude towards his ex etc, I’d advise to not entertain adding him to the birth certificate. It complicated things unnecessarily at this time and gives him the same rights as you ultimately. Not including at this time doesn’t stop you claiming maintenance. And he can be added later.

if you fancy chatting feel free to message me!