Reply To: How to handle dads contact/involvement with newborn

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Debbiee
Participant

Hello Emma

I hope you are well and healthy in your pregnancy. Congratulations! I am a first time mum and was in a similar situation except my partner said he wasnt interested in relationship and only wanted to be involved with his child, when I was 2 months pregnant. My baby is now 4 months old and I have learnt alot from this experience. My first suggestion would be make sure you are truly focused on yourself and your baby in this precious last trimester. Read encouraging blogs, if you’re religious, seek your community and pray and try to erase negative memories associated with your ex and focus on your internal positives and the exciting new journey of having your baby (even if it is not how you planned it to be). Secondly, i think you are wise to limit contact with your ex in this time. My ex turned around 180° when the baby was born and now really wants to be back in my life but I have drawn a firm line saying no. Co-parenting sucks. I am doing fine on my own with baby and do not need the negative vibes that he often brings. I believe in most cases like ours, emotionally it may well be easier for you if you can cut ties with him, frankly. But if you do insist on having him in the picture (which you do not legally have to do – the baby is in your sole care), draw clear boundaries with him from the outset. Wouldn’t suggest having him at the birth, unless you see a large genuine benefit in having him present. Delivery is a highly vulnerable time and it’s hard work and it will benefit if you are not distracted and are focused entirely on you and your baby at that time. My experience was that my birth was an enjoyable, positive and quick water birth and I intentionally did not have the dad present; just my mum in the birthing suite.

Best,