Hi Claire,
I advise you speak to someone regarding the domestic violence you have experienced and are going on experiencing. If you set boundaries and he breaks them then it is unlawful and you can call the police and have the boundaries set for you.
I went for years without realizing the abuse I suffered and without getting help for it.
His using your daughter is emotionally abusive to her and this can also be confronted.
You don’t and and never did deserve this treatment
Emily