You’ll make yourself ill if you try to make sense of it all, Teaandcake is right….I was the other side of what she described and it is heartbreaking but sometimes just the way it is. The only thing you can do is find focus on the one thing you can, and make sure you maintain a good relationship with your son. For both your sakes. He will be just as hurt and confused as you and needs your reassurance. Sometimes it’s easier when you shift your focus to someone you care about. Just don’t forget to look after your health too.