Reply To: She expected me to just leave !!

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AJ
Participant

Hi

i’m sorry that you and your kids are going through this, it sounds horrendous.

I’m not sure what advice I can give but I do have a little experience of alcoholics/ drug users and basically they struggle to care about anything but drugs/ alcohol Everyone around them suffers and struggles to know how to help or deal with the consequences of their behaviour. It may help to think of her as an addict – it doesn’t excuse her behaviour but may explain it a little.

To answer your final question; you are doing absolutely the right thing trying to keep your home and care for your children.

I think you need to concentrate on yourself and your children and try to put her continuing behaviour to the back of your mind as far as possible. You can’t alter it or rationalise it in any way. Let her go off in her own little whirlwind- you can’t stop her – so just protect yourself and children from the fall out. In practical terms, get advice, maybe from gingerbread, about the kids access to their mum.( Is she drinking or using drugs around them?) Do they have a family support worker or access to counselling at their school?

If it helps, my daughter (now 9) clung to me for a very long time after her dad walked out. She was having to be met at the school gate and more or less peeled off me by her teacher. It’s taken time but she has now settled and gained confidence and even went on a school trip away recently- I was so proud of her. So with alot of love and patience, your kids will be ok