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Asian single mum- taboo!

Posted Fri 29 Jun 2012 19:49

I can't help thinking if I've done the right thing. I am a professional British Asian woman with 2 gorgeous kids- a boy of 4 and a girl of 5. I recently decided to split from my partner who has been battling a 4 year gambling problem. He was dragging me down too so I had to call it a day after 9 years together. I feel guilty for not being able to give my kids a 'proper' family life. The other problem I'm faced with as an Asian woman is that my mum's nartow-minded friends and some of my family think its a big deal for me to raise my kids on my own. I'm lucky that I have a good profession and hence don't financially have to rely on anyone but I'm an emotional wreck!!!

Posted Mon 16 Jul 2012 23:05

Hi Pooja, I'm in a similar position to yourself as I am also a single asian mother with a small baby however my ex-husband left in difficult circumstances and it wasn't my decision to end the marriage. Nevertheless here we are a year later, just me, my baby and a handful of family and friends. Firstly, I feel, the asian community, be it family or friends have a huge issue with single mothers - I feel as though people pity me and my baby and they believe we can't now have a 'normal' happy life. I worry a lot about being a single mother and the affect it will have on my baby, the future etc. and I've concluded that all I can do is try my best to be a positive role model for my baby. I believe that all children need is stability, love and happiness which, especially in the asian community doesn't always from being a part of a 'proper family'. As your a mother, i doubt you would have taken the decision to leave your husband lightly, and i personally think its a very courageous thing for you to have done. in terms of being an emotional wreck, over the past year there are days where I've literally felt as though I'm going mad, sometimes feeling suffocated by family and friends with their views and opinions, but if i step back and reflect, i've probably achieved more over the past year than ever before and I have reason to feel proud of myself for having made the right choices for me and my baby. I hope a year from now you can also reflect back and feel the same. It's not an easy road, but it's not impossible, just because your asian and single, doesn't mean you can't be a good mum and a professional working lady. I hope for both our cases, our children grow up to be proud of their mums and also strong, caring, individuals.

Posted Thu 17 Apr 2014 23:31

Hi Im now in this situation and about to break it to the elders of the family which I know wont go down well, just wondered how things have been for u both after all this time...i have 2 young children and their dad is very involved with them so a brilliant father, not so good of a husband

Posted Thu 17 Apr 2014 23:32

Being asian is hard work in itself, too many hypocrites

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