When I was pregnant I read everything I could lay my hands on about being a mum. But nothing can prepare you for the reality, I read about sleepless nights, but nobody explained how it feels getting up for the fourth time that night, dragging yourself out of bed, having barely slept.
But it’s all worth it.
No matter how rubbish my day is, whatever happens, my baby is always here to give me a cuddle. She’s got a lovely nature, very laid-back, doesn’t whinge.
I’m 21 and my daughter is 15-months-old. I found out I was pregnant when I was 19. My boyfriend split up with me within a week and has refused all involvement ever since. So I’ve been bringing my daughter up alone since the day she was born.
My ex was only 17, so it’s understandable he wasn’t ready for a family. But for me his decision was like the rug being pulled from under my feet, realising I had to do this on my own.
I am strong, but it has been really hard.
At first I lived with my mum and sister who were very supportive, but I’ve always been adamant they should stick to their roles of nanna and auntie, instead of taking on the responsibilities of a parent. I now live on my own in a rented house with my daughter.
I worried about how people would treat me as a single mum, especially at baby groups but I was wrong to be concerned. I have a lovely group of mum friends. They are all married and older than me but haven’t judged me at all.
I do feel under pressure to be the perfect mum. I don’t want to give anyone a reason to criticise me as a mum because I’m on my own. People do judge. I have judged myself, when I’ve seen a young mum with a cigarette in one hand and a baby in another.
My daughter is now of an age where she has tantrums, it’s getting more difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I have sufficient patience and strength to do this alone.
At the moment I am living on benefits, as I couldn’t cover childcare on what I earn.
I worry about money but am trying to improve my prospects.
I am starting a degree in history with the Open University in October, it takes six years so is a big commitment. It’s a chance to use my brains and studying at home will fit in with my daughter.
This is my life now, its what I know and I’m getting on with it. I’d never held a baby until I had my daughter, and look at me now!