Rochelle's story

Single mum Rochelle on surviving, stereotypes and her small son.

Sometimes I'm shocked at how judgemental people can be about single mums. But I do blame certain tabloids for the terrible stereotyping we single parents are subjected to. We live in modern times but people still feel a need to judge.
My son is wonderful, very active and a great communicator and I'm extremely proud of him. I've tried to keep contact going with his dad but it's been very difficult.
My husband dropped the bombshell, while I was pregnant, that he was already married to someone else in his own country, despite marrying me.

No family support
So my plans to return to work were scuppered as I threw him out. I don't have any family support and rely on our benefit system at the moment. It's hard. I've always worked and saved a bit which I am now using to keep up with bills. I couldn't manage otherwise.
I am very grateful for our benefit system but the stereotyping depicting me as a good for nothing scrounger is hurtful.
I choose to be a stay at home mum until my son is in school, this is my only chance at being a mother and I want to spend as much time with him as possible.
I'm worried about all the cuts going on at the moment and how it seems to be the poorest of us the government is targeting.
But I'm a survivor, I will keep going.

Working mums
As soon as my son is in school I will go back to work. In the meantime I've been criticised by working mums for being at home.
One came right out and said, "You really should work" and that I should put my son in nursery, before and after school groups and numerous other establishments so that I can work, otherwise I would always be judged. Now why did she feel she had to say that? Why cannot I be seen as what I am - a mother who chooses to be with her son and do the best I I can?
I'd like to meet more single parents. Couples can be alienating, even if they don't mean to be. I have noticed when partners attend outings and dinners single parents are not invited, which is upsetting.

Advice
I rang the Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline and found it very useful, I received advice on my rights and also assistance with getting money from my son's father through the Child Support Agency. I used to travel and work abroad a lot in the past, which I thoroughly enjoyed. I now quench my travel lust by taking day trips as often as possible with my son. We have a family and friends railcard which saves a fortune. I am discovering how wonderful our country is. I do not want to travel abroad just at the moment as I feel my son is too young but we will in the future.

Comments

mommaneil

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22 December 2011 14:33

It is nice to know that I am not alone in my struggles as a single mom. I would have loved to stay home with my son so dont worry what people say or think about you. You are doing the best thing for your son. Although I am struggling with my 2 year old son, he gives me more joy then I ever could imagine. Keep going super moms!

Joeyandjeanie

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12 July 2011 22:31

I hope your all doing ok and feel proud of our achievements as single mums.

curly

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25 March 2011 21:46

hi well im proud to be a single mum, its hard work so we should hold our heads in the air and walk proud i do everyday.

Jumandi

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28 January 2011 23:30

I would like to say that I was a single mum with two children under five, childcare was not an option for two children.I had support of Homestart volunteer who changed my life , she showed me how important it was to enjoy being a mum and ignore the gossips and look to the future.

Joeyandjeanie

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13 January 2011 15:17

Hello, I'm glad to read I'm not alone in feeling judged for being a single mum on benefits. I feel exactly the same when walking down the street in my gossipy, nosey, narrowminded, neighborhood. So much so I've become a vertual recluse. I have a ten month old adorable lovely boy whom's father did a runner even though the baby was planned. I found ut he has done the same to someone else since and my son has a 16 yr old sister down south! I don't get any support or contact from him at all and I've no family support, just a very negative abusive mother locally who's made my life hell living here. At the moment I feel so alone and I'm struggling. I so want to relocate and move but cannot now get a mortgage and if I sell up I will loose my benefit as I have equity in my property. I don't know what to do at all as I'm so unhappy and I'm desperate to have a better life for me and my son. I'm struggling financially too and I've become quite depressed as I feel trapped in this awful situation. I need to get out and get my son established in some playgroups and will have to really try ard to get out. I dont drive and the buses arent great here as they arent pram friendly most of them. My anxiety means I'm avoiding getting out and its a vicious circle. I don't want to be gloomy and just moan here and sorry if thats how i come across. I've jined ginger bread today and made some phone calls to somthing called home start. I hope I can get myself out and get motivated to sort my house out which is now a tip. Not like me to be living like this but I just can't bear the mundane housework day in day out.

Bubbles

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12 December 2010 00:09

I have just read your story and feel a little happier. I to am a single new mum. My son is 4months old and the farther does not want to be one from day one. Iget texts from his sister but that is it. I hate to walk down the street as i feel everyone is looking at me thinking that i am a single parent benefits case. I am over 30 but think people think I am a silly teenage mum. I have had serveral good jobs enabling me to work from home and travel the country. I have been travelling to Thailand, Auzzie and South Africa before I had my son and I to think i will still travel when he is a little older there is always some cheap deals on from travel companies and airline. Just need to keep an eye out for them Just because I am a single mum my son will not miss out he has my love and i will do anything for him not to miss out... if i have to save a pound a month for years then I will do..does not sound much but it's something I have friends taht go out every weekend an moan that they do not have a car or can afford to go on holidays I would rather have my son and go without rather than not have my son go ouyt every weekend and still not have a holiday. All the best and I will do the best for me and my son, as my family are no help and my firends say they will be ther but at the end of the day it me and my boy.