Welcome!
Gingerbread’s lively online community is a supportive place to chat with other single mums and dads, share your experiences, tips and suggestions, find out what’s happening for single parent families in your local area and make new friends.
The forums are here, first and foremost, for single parents – mums and dads, or sometimes grandparents or carers, who have main care of their children. We want the forums to be a welcoming environment where all single parents feel comfortable to express themselves, so we ask that before you get started you take a glance at How It Works Here to get a feel for the best way to say hello and get involved.
Sounds great, let me in!
There are two ways to access the forums – as a member or as a guest.
Some discussion areas in our forum are for Gingerbread members only and you will need to log in as a registered Gingerbread member to view them.
Find out how to become a Gingerbread member and what benefits, on top of having full forum access, you’ll be entitled to.
• Log in with your Gingerbread member account to read the members forum, or post in any of the forums
• After you've logged in, click
here to go to the forum – you should see regional members forums as well as the open discussions.
Other discussions can be read by everyone, though only members can post:
•
Click here to read posts in the open forums (you won't be able to post a message yourself unless you log in as a member).
Having problems accessing the forums? Just
let us know and we’ll do our best to sort them out as quickly as possible.
How it works here
The forums are a great place to have a chat and share your experiences and opinions. We’ve compiled a list of common questions to help you get the most out of being a forum member.
Can I talk to another member privately on the forums?
Yes, you can send them a private message – like an email which only they will read. While it can be nice to chat on a more personal level sometimes, we don’t advise that you send private messages to other forum members until you’ve had a chance to get to know each other a bit in the forums. It can feel a bit intimidating to be contacted by a stranger, so if you’d like to talk to someone directly, post a message for them in the forums and ask if it would be ok to send them a private message. Read more about private messaging in this handy guide from one of our forum moderators.
Are there any forums rules I need to be aware of?
Yes, we’ve got a few rules to help the forums run smoothly and make sure that everyone feels comfortable getting involved. We’ve also written a ‘netiquette’ guide, which you’ll find below, to help you find the best ways to get involved.
We’re really happy for the conversation to flow freely and easily on the forums, but there are some things which we simply won’t tolerate:
• Racism
• Sexism
• Homophobia
• Bullying
• Harassment of other members
• Personal attacks on other members
• Extreme swearing
• Acting in a continuously disruptive manner which upsets other members
• Spamming – posts about products you want to sell, or things that simply aren’t relevant, copies of chain letters or links to potentially damaging .exe files (executable files).
• For your own safety, we also recommend that you don’t post personal contact details such as email addresses and phone numbers, and be careful about posting other personal information (such as the names of your children, where you live etc). If you’ve made a friend on the forums you can always use the private messaging function to contact them.
We have moderators in place to make sure the forums stay a safe and supportive place where everyone feels happy to chat. They guide members to keep to our guidelines and will warn you if your behaviour starts to breach the forum rules. You may also have your posts partially or completely removed.
Members who refuse to stick to the forum terms and conditions and repeatedly cause offence will be removed permanently from the forums – we don’t like having to ban people, but our number one priority is to keep our members safe.
Fancy being a moderator? Email the membership@gingerbread.org.uk to find out more.
Gingerbread’s guide to ‘netiquette’
Following ‘net etiquette’ can help you to make friends online and can help you get your views and opinions across without offending someone accidentally. Here are a few hints and tips.
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT
Using capital letters is just like shouting, which can sometimes seem rude and inappropriate.
Do as you would be done by
It’s easy to become a keyboard warrior, taking on the latest internet crusade but please remember there’s a person at the other end whose feelings you could seriously hurt. If you feel upset or angry at something that has been written then take a break before replying. If you’re not sure what someone is getting at – try reading it again and if really unsure – ask them to clarify what they mean. We’re a diverse group of people, we all have different ways of expressing ourselves and our differing views and experiences. Let’s celebrate that!
It’s a private message for a reason
If someone sends you a private message – please respect that privacy. It’s frowned on by the moderators to post these on the public forum and your fellow community members probably won’t appreciate it either.
Don’t feed the trolls
Sometimes people insist on stirring up trouble and the worst thing you can do is respond to it. If someone says something that you think goes against our terms and conditions then please report it to a moderator.
Smileys are ok by us
Smileys (emoticons) and acronyms can help you to let people know how you’re feeling. But a personal attack is never acceptable, whether you use smileys or not.
Everyone was new once
Be patient with people who are new. The moderators should be able to guide people who are posting inappropriately, but getting stroppy with new people helps no one. A friendly face (or emoticon ;) ) is what everyone needs when they’re first dipping their toe in.
Keeping our community safe
We want Gingerbread to be a friendly and welcoming place that supports its members. We have moderators in place to make sure it stays this way and to guide members to do the right thing. However, if someone repeatedly goes against our guidelines then they will be banned permanently. We only do this as a last resort but we do this to protect everyone else.
Most importantly
Have fun! We hope our community will provide the support and friends that you are looking for. We’re always open to suggestions for improvements and if you’re interested in moderating, you can drop an email to the membership team to be considered if a place becomes available.
I’ve read a post that I don’t think follows Gingerbread’s forum rules. What should I do?
If you’re concerned about a post and think it ought to be removed, you can click the ‘Report’ button. This will flag the post to a moderator who will then decide what should happen next. When you click ‘Report’, you will be asked why you are flagging this post.
Where to go for advice
The forums provide friendship and an informal place to “talk it over” with other single parents. Our members chat about all kinds of things in the forums – ranging from serious issues to holidays and fun activities with the kids. We know it can be a great help to hear from others who’ve been through similar experiences. However, not everyone’s situation is the same and information is changing rapidly so it’s always best to ask an expert for advice on the bigger stuff – such as separation, benefits, employment and housing.
Some situations require you to take urgent action for example if you are being made homeless, are experiencing domestic violence or are worried about the safety of a child. To help you get to the right people quickly, we’ve compiled a list of organisations that are the best people to help you in these situations. Go to If You Need Help Urgently.
If you’re feeling very low and are worried you might harm yourself or someone else, you should call 999 or go to your local Accident and Emergency department.
Gingerbread
The Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline is staffed by trained advisers who can help you understand the options open to you. The advisors can give you advice and information about:
• All welfare benefits and tax credits
• Housing options when you become a single parent
• Child maintenance
• Working and studying
• Family issues such as separation and contact
• Finding and paying for childcare
• The first steps to take in coping with debt
• Where to get legal advice if you need it
• Other organisations that can help you.
Call 0808 802 0925 to talk to an adviser. Calls are free from UK landlines and most mobiles. Click here for helpline opening hours.
Want to talk to an adviser but would rather do it online? Join our regular online advice sessions, each on a different topic relevant to single parent families, and get your questions answered directly.
Gingerbread has a series of factsheets to give you expert advice and practical information on a range of topics. These include benefits, money, family law, housing and the wellbeing of you and your family. Each factsheet also contains a list of useful organisations.
You can read the factsheets online or request them from our helpline.
For help finding information about your circumstances quickly, try Gingerbread’s online tailored advice. Our email advice packs cover all the ins and outs of a range of topics such as child maintenance and returning to work. They are sent straight to your inbox, allowing you to read through the information relevant to you, privately at your own speed, and all in one place. We are also have a series of interactive tools – such as a teenage parents benefits finder or ‘when your child turns 16’ online advice tool – Through a series of questions the online tools will identify for you what help you are entitled to.
If you’re a dad bringing up children on your own, our single dads pages offer advice and information tailored to your circumstances. The pages cover separation, bereavement, work, study, childcare, benefits and tax credits, arrangements for family life and parenting and the law. You can also read stories from other single dads or join the single dads forum thread to share your experiences.
Other useful organisations
If you plan to contact these organisations by phone you may like to know if you will be charged for the call.
• 0808 numbers are free from UK landlines and most mobiles
• 0800 numbers are free from landlines but mobile providers may charge for the call
• All other numbers may incur a charge
Advice and information services
Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline
0808 802 0925
www.gingerbread.org.uk
Advice and information on benefits, maintenance, childcare, housing, debt, employment and family law issues
Gingerbread Northern Ireland
0808 808 8090
www.gingerbreadni.org
Advice and information on benefits, maintenance, housing, debt, employment and legal issues.
One parent Families Scotland
0808 801 0323
www.opfs.org.uk
Advice and information on welfare benefits, childcare, legal issues relating to separation and divorce, maintenance, housing, funding for further/higher education and employment rights.
Citizens Advice
England and Wales: 08444 111 444
Northern Ireland: 02890 231 120
www.citizensadvice.org.uk
www.adviceguide.org.uk
Scotland: 0131 550 1000
www.cas.org.uk
Turn2us
Find an advisor at http://advicefinder.turn2us.org.uk
Use this website to find your nearest advice service.
DirectGov
www.directgov.uk
Information on a wide range of subjects.
Benefits helplines
Child Benefit Helpline
0845 302 1444 (England)
0845 302 1489 (Wales)
0845 302 1474 (minicom)
www.hmrc.gov.uk/childbenefit
Provides information and advice in connection with child benefit claims.
Jobcentre Plus Benefits Enquiries
0800 055 6688 (England)
0800 012 1888 (Wales)
Minicom
0800 023 4888 (England)
0800 243 355 (Wales)
www.direct.gov.uk
Processes new and renewal claims for welfare benefits.
Benefit Enquiry Line Northern Ireland
0800 055 6688 (free from landlines)
0800 243 787 (minicom)
www.direct.gov.uk/en/moneytaxandbenefits/index.htm
Information and advice about all state benefits, offers personal benefit calculations, and help
completing forms for Attendance Allowance, Disability Living Allowance and Carer's Allowance
Benefit Enquiry Line for People with Disabilities
0800 882 200 (England)
0845 6067 890 (Wales)
minicom:
0800 243 355 (England)
0845 6044 022 (Wales)
www.direct.gov.uk/en/disabledpeople/index.htm
Provides help and support in connection with benefits for people with disabilities, and people who are sick, and their carers and representatives.
Tax credit helplines
Tax Aid
0345 120 3779
www.taxaid.org.uk
Independent and confidential tax advice to people who are on low income.
Tax Credit Helpline
0845 300 3900
www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits
Offers information and advice concerning applications/ renewals for child tax credit and working tax credit.
If you need help urgently
While the forums are a great place to share experiences, talk through what’s going on in your family’s life and get another person’s perspective on things, there are certain situations where expert help is needed and quickly. In this section you can find details of organisation that have experience in giving you the specific help you need.
All of these organisations listed here provide their services for free but some organisations may charge you for the telephone call.
• Calls to an 0808 number are free from UK landlines and most mobiles.
• Calls to helplines with an 0800 number are free from UK landlines but may not be free from mobiles.
• All other numbers will incur a charge unless the number range is included in your phone package.
In this section you can find the details of organisations that can help with:
•
Domestic violence
•
Missing children
•
Child safety concerns
•
Homelessness
•
Mental health
•
Drugs and alcohol
•
Bereavement
•
Parenting Support
•
Debt problems
•
Hardship
•
Employment
•
Getting legal advice
Domestic violence
If you are in immediate danger, call 999 for help. The following organisations can help you decide what to do about your situation and support you to work through your options.
For women
National Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
Welsh Women’s Aid
0808 8010 800
www.welshwomensaid.org
Scottish women’s Aid
0800 027 1234
www.scottishwomensaid.org.uk
For men
Mankind Initiative
01823 334 244
www.mankind.org.uk
Men’s Advice Line
0808 801 0327
www.mensadviceline.org.uk
For lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people
Broken Rainbow
0300 999 5428
www.broken-rainbow.org.uk
Missing children
If your child has gone missing or you are concerned about abduction of your child, call 999. The following organisations can also support you during this time.
Missing people
0500 700 700
www.missingpeople.org.uk
To report a missing child and get support if your child is missing .
Reunite
0116 255 6234
www.reunite.org
Confidential help if you have had a child abducted or you fear your child may be abducted
Child safety concerns
You can contact these organisations anonymously to report a concern or telephone 999 if a child is in immediate danger.
NSPCC
0808 800 5000
www.nspcc.org.uk
ChildLine
0800 1111
0800 400 222 (minicom)
www.childline.org.uk
For children and young people aged 18 and under in trouble or danger
Homelessness
If you have become homeless and need to find emergency accommodation, contact your local council’s homeless persons unit or one of these organisations for help.
Shelterline
0808 800 4444
www.shelter.org.uk
Stonewall Housing
020 735 9 5767
www.stonewallhousing.org
Housing advice for the lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals
Mental health
If the way you are feeling is so overwhelming that you fear you may harm yourself or another person, call 999 and ask for help or go to your nearest accident and emergency department. The organisations below can help you in times of distress. Also see our
factsheet for details of other useful organisatons
Samaritans
08457 90 90 90.
jo@samaritans.org
www.samaritans.org
Mind
0845 766 0163
www.mind.org.uk
SANE
0845 767 8000
www.sane.org.uk
Young Minds
0808 802 5544
www.youngminds.org.uk
Information and advice about mental health and emotional wellbeing for children.
Drugs and alcohol
When life is difficult it can be tempting to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of coping. Relying on drugs and alcohol will rarely help you or your family in the long term. If you find that you need to use drugs or alcohol these to get through the day you should contact one of the organisation below for help.
NHS Direct
0845 46 47
www.nhs.uk
0845 24 24 (Scotland)
Information on all health issues.
Drugs and alcohol
0800 77 66 00 (open 24 hours)
www.talktofrank.com
Provides telephone and E mail support
Bereavement
Becoming a single parent through bereavement presents particular challenges and you may feel you and your child/ren need extra support at this time. The following organisations support people who have suffered a bereavement.
Cruse Bereavement Care
0844 477 9400
www.cruse.org.uk
Bereavement counselling and support for both children and adults.
Winstons Wish
08452 03 04 05
www.winstonswish.org.uk
Support for children, young people and their families following the death of a parent or sibling.
Parenting support
If you feel that being a parent is getting on top of you would like some parenting support, you have problems with your child’s schooling or your family is involved with social services the following organisations can help you.
Family Lives
0808 800 2222
www.familylives.org.uk
Home-Start
0808 068 63 68
www.home-start.org.uk
Free and confidential practical and emotional support from volunteers.
Advisory Centre for Education (ACE)
0808 800 5793
www.ace-ed.org.uk
For advice on exclusion from school, bullying, special educational needs and disability issues.
Family Rights Group
0808 801 0366
www.frg.org.uk
Provides advice and support for parents whose children are involved with children services.
Debt problems
If you have debt problems you should not ignore them, as they will only get worse. See our
factsheet and contact one of the following organisations for help.
National Debtline
0808 808 4000
www.nationaldebtline.co.uk
Money Advice Service
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk
Hardship
Gingerbread factsheet –
Financial help for unexpected or extra expenses
Turn2us
0808 802 2000
www.turn2us.org.uk
Has a database of grant giving charities and trusts which can be searched based on your particular needs and circumstances
Furniture Re-use Network
0117 954 3571
www.frn.org.uk
Provides furniture, white goods and other household items at affordable prices.
Employment problems
If you are at risk of losing your job or need help with other immediate problems at work, the following organisations can offer help.
Advisory Conciliation & Arbitration Service (ACAS)
08457 47 47 47
0845 606 1600 (minicom)
www.acas.org.uk
Confidential advice on employment rights.
Working Families
Tel: 0800 013 0313
www.workingfamilies.org.uk
Confidential legal advice on employment rights, flexible working and negotiating with employers.
Getting legal advice
In some situations it will be necessary to get legal advice. This might be possible over the telephone but you may need to find a solicitor. Have a look at our
factsheet for further information . The organisations below can help you.
Children’s Legal Centre
0808 8020 008
www.childrenslegalcentre.com
Legal advice and information on all aspects of law and policy affecting children.
Law Society
0870 606 6575
www.lawsociety.org.uk
Lists of solicitors by area and expertise.
Resolution
08457 585 67
www.resolution.org.uk
Provides contact details of solicitors in the UK for anyone involved in family law proceedings.
Law Centres Federation
0207 8420 720
www.lawcentres.org.uk
For details of Law Centres where you can obtain legal advice.
Rights of Women
0207 251 6577
www.rightsofwomen.org.uk
Provides a confidential legal advice service to women on a range of issues. They specialise in family law, criminal law eg rape and domestic violence and immigration and asylum law
Asylum Aid
0207 354 9264
www.asylumaid.org.uk
Provides legal advice and representation on asylum issues and applications.
Bar Pro Bono Unit
020 7092 3960
www.barprobono.org.uk
Barristers provide free legal advice and representation in cases where Legal Aid is not available, or where the applicant is unable to afford legal assistance.